Smile at Strangers

For someone with depression,
It is not always difficult to find triggers
But you practice overtime and the triggers
Become less and less about the small things.
You know the small things like missing your train
And more about the things that have value in your life
Like your family or relationships
Your career, school, your pets, your hobbies and passions
As your focus switches from the small things to the things that matter
The things that matter become more meaningful
More fulfilling
But they also have the power to crush you
Recently, I’ve been feeling as if my hearts been broken
The fabric of my expectations ripped from me
I felt betrayed, lied to, unimportant
Not just once, but continuously
I made a promise to myself to demand more
To not be so easy to forgive
But I’m notoriously bad at not forgiving
Holding grudges
It seems to do me more harm than good
I feel distracted, absent, aloof
It hurts every core of my body
And yet, some people do no deserve to be forgiven
Some people do not deserve second chances
So I sit in between
I am not use to dealing with people who truly do not understand me
Who are very good at making me feel small
Usually, I leave, but sometimes that’s not a viable option
Sometimes you want to put all your hope in their words
And just continue to be disappointed
Love is a fools game
I am the fool
So I got ready
I got ready this morning and everything bothered me
I bought cigarettes with the intent to chain smoke and read
I felt terrible
My dogs barked at the door for a least ten minutes
I gave up
I hated them
Then a guy smiled at me
He told me he has a nephew, he loves him
I had actually met the nephew before, he’s a cool kid
So I told him so
He called me sweetie and an angel and he made me feel strong
Feel better
I remembered, I should always smile at strangers
He didn’t solve my problems
But he brought more joy into my life



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