Dyslexia and Me

As someone who is dyslexic
I find there to be a constant anxiety when public speaking
When learning new complex mathematical problems
I freeze in fear of being “found out”
As someone who is dyslexic and a first generation college student
I have to navigate the landmines of privileged
Hoping to know the right sophisticated word to use in academic institutions
As a graduate student in a college of immense wealth
In classes with individuals who graduated from top universities
I am often afraid to raise my hand and have my logic go up against their big words I have no idea how to pronounce
Or words I have yet to memorize
I often wonder, if people look at me and wonder if I’m intelligent
My ideas are brilliant but they are spoken like someone who has not learned the language;
The language of privilege and confidence
The language of years of being surrounded by highly educated family members aware of the politics of language
—Without a learning disability—
I keep it hidden as best as I can
Although I question how well
And while I do not let my dyslexia define me, rather I define it
Sometimes, it becomes painfully clear, that I do not have the language of privileged politics