Lists of pros and cons

Relationships are very much like roller coasters.

Mine is usually a low hanging one and has, of late, been filled with very little highs.

There have always been things that bother me about my husband:
his selfishness
his refusal to learn how to listen
his self absorption
his utter lack of logic and common sense
his lack of initiative when it comes to taking on relationship problems
His “victim hood” mentality
His desire to fight to be right in the face of evidence to the contrary
His “holier than thou” attitude where he thinks everyone he says is right and true and therefore nothing else matters
Him never taking my birthday seriously, even when I’ve asked
His ability to “apologize” for something deeply hurtful and then within hours do it again and argue he’s right to do so until he apologizes again and a few hours or next day later, do it again
His lack of passion
His ability to be disrespectful to me and including my family and when it’s pointed out he argues it was his “right”
He has a double standard for himself and me.
He doesn’t think people should try to be good or honest but judges a group of people who do not live up to what he thinks is good or honest
He goes to therapy and gets made if the therapist gives him advice he does not want to hear and then says ” I’m not at the therapist for unsolicited advice ”
In rare times when he admits he has some changing to do, he always follows up with “I did not know until recently…” Despite the fact that this is never the first, second, third. Or even court time.
He finds my honesty to be intimidating and prefer I suffer in silence so it does not inconvenience him
Now, he is also a bigot and judges a whole group of people morally while he’s not perfect
I’m not even sure he lacks empathy, I think his desire to be “right” overrides any other healthy emotion
He’s passive aggressive and holds grudges
He does not appreciate my honest or patience with him
He refuses all good advice which is counter to him feeling comfortable or against how he wants the world to be
He thinks the world should work the way he thinks it should, not the way it does. When someone pointing it out, he gets mad
If we are in a good place, he always fucks it up by doing something disrespect, rude, mean, passive aggressive
Even on our wedding day, he made sure I cried.
He doesn’t appreciate my hard work
He refuses to learn from therapy when he disagrees with it
He does not want to learn or sees value in becoming a better person
If I do not spend “enough” time with him or if I’m too busy, he finds a way a punish me in a passive aggressive way
I’m always stressed around him
There are many things I dislike about him
I feel very alone in the relationship and it hurts he does not want to change it
He will hurt me emotional to save himself from feeling wrong
He makes it difficult to see his good and bad, because one never comes without the other
He makes it difficult to like him, but he treats his friends and family with more respect than he treats me
He use to say things in front of people that were aimed to break my confidence and make him look “good”
He doesn’t care about consequences, as long as he is right
I don’t like the majority of his character he’s not an easy person to be married to and he actively works to make it harder

Then there are things I like about him:
He likes our dogs
We both like to travel, he’s always up for a vacation
He’s funny
Anything material desired, he’d get it for me if he can
He does go to therapy
Sometimes he makes me laugh
He’s intelligent when it comes to math and computer science
He is proud of my accomplishments and will brag about them occasionally
After much pushing, he will try something new
If it’s physical and I say, it will make happy, he’ll make sure it gets done (unless it’s birthdays)
He will go out of his way to help people he deems worthy
He takes care of the things I hate to do in exchange, I kill bugs for him
Even after everything, I’m not sure if I like him as a person, but I still love him
He stood up for me once or twice
He’s usually fun to be around
He walks the dogs and has become more active in the house.

I’m certainly still upset about all the things I had to do to get him to get to the point in which he participants in housework, but he’s always taken care of the dogs

I’m not sure he really loves me, based on his actions, I think he treats me the same way he treats his parents but he can talk to me. There we have it! The pros and cons and each one carries a different weight


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