Life

Marriage

Marriage is hard. There is no doubt about that statement.

Anyone who says otherwise has never been married or is lying.

It’s hard and it’s painful and it’s annoying. It’s a lot of negative mixed with a  lot of good. People can be terrible. Underdeveloped emotionally and unresponsive.

It’s always a mystery to me how warning signs are not picked up in the beginning or rather just ignored. I often find, I am annoyed with my marriage. I think it’s normal. My annoyance is born from a constant sense of emotional underdevelopment in my spouse.

Someone who can be so intelligent in one area fails completely in emotional intelligence. They can see patterns in a code but refuse to recognize patterns in their own lives.

They seek comfort above knowledge.

To me, it’s hard to stomach, it’s hard to fathom.

I know brilliant people who master the worlds of emotional, intellectual, and subject intelligence. It’s what I am use to, brilliant people. I did not know someone could exists in the world by excelling at one area and not the others.

But it is this lack of common sense that is infuriating to me. I struggle with it daily. Living with someone so different from you that you feel the only person growing is them, while you are held in some perpetual hell of an emotional void.

I can say, it’s not all terrible. There is progress. But the vast majority of progress is often stopped by the other person’s refusal to be uncomfortable and confront inconvenient truths.

Nevertheless, if I do nothing, this complete feeling of disgust will overtake me and I will eventually forget why I ever loved my spouse. How  could I continue to keep loving them? I’m judging and resentful.

I suffer enough in this unequal world for issues I was just born into. I refuse to suffer in all aspects. I refuse to allow this worldly suffering to seep into my home.

I honestly do not know how I can handle it. But clearly, I can try something. I can focus on the positive. I can continue to play a supporting role although my patience is shot…completely shot.

I don’t want to add anymore energy to someone’s development who creates their own handicaps. But I also do not want a divorce.

I need to learn how I can love him as he is and be hopeful he can “Change.” I don’t know where a spouses’ responsibility begins and ends for their and the other person’s happiness.

 

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