When things don’t feel right…

Maybe it’s me or maybe it’s my intuition.

I’ve become more silent and more intune with myself.

But this movement has made noise so much easier to recognize.

It has enhanced my recognition of my intuition.

Things just don’t feel right.

Perhaps it’s a heightened sense of anxiety in the day and age of uncertainty.

But maybe it’s more than that.

I have come to a place in my life where my partner and I are on the same wave length.

I see him for the beautiful person he is.

But my body aches in this environment. 

It’s too much. 

I need a bit more silence.

I need a bit more purpose at my job.

I need a bit more honesty. 

I love seeing humanity but it’s hard to see it in these walls, tall buildings lining park avenue.

What’s justifiable with your purpose when you question your impact. In a lonely room of people who care more of name than cause…

I see right through them…

And when we try to move forward and beyond- to impact- the forces fight back.

Maybe it’s an excuse but I know the things I can not change..

So what does this mean? At least I can say if I do no good at least I do no harm…

But I’m not blind either, I am taking away energy and resources from things that can save lives. 

I am contributing to the over criminalization of black and brown people… I may not be saving lives or helping them, I may be hurting them..

But I see so many enthusiastic people. As an organization we do decent work..

But who are we now? We started off as an organization whose research exposed solutions and now our research supports our calculated and political desires for growth…

And to what extent? 

And how do the laws we push balance with individual rights?

And why not work on more effective ways to reduce pain than on symbolic ways?

Bandaids to gashes

I fear we drift farther and farther from truth everyday we live through justifying a lie…


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