Invisible & Ungrounded

It’s not that we grow distant at times, 

that seems to bother me

I accept in all relationships there are times we need to retreat to ourselves

But it is the lack of acknowledgement of my retreat

As if the Turnpike tunnel could separate us and you could never be the wiser 

When I return all gay with life

Yellow flowers blooming in my hair

You reach out to me — you say “You are here!”

And you see only the smiles

But when I am away – in my own head, suffering my own illusions – or my own truth- it is when I am invisible

That scares me that you seem not to notice

That my absence from you is unremarkable

But it is so lonely when I am sad

Compounded by you lying next to me

Unacknowledged and invisible 

The days drag on 

My bones feel as I walk through mud

My doubt like a mosquito buzzing near my ear

There is no swapping

The sun is bearing on me and my skin hurts with evey move

My heart is steamed – with no where to go

It is terribly lonely

To be so very far away

Eyes dart from my glaze so fast as I walk on clouds like heaven

I cant feel the cool hard concrete

I’m sweating cockroaches

Of tingles, of thumps, 

Sensory overload and the uncomfortable pricks of thousands of legs & antennas feeling for me but I am invisible

Invisible and the movements all around me insignificant

Just forgotten
Ohhh but have me burst of joy

Have my aurora scream roses

Have my breath smell of honey and milk

Have my smile strech to the Manhattan rivers

My skin cool to the touch

My feet firmly planted and let me notice that one beautiful deep, red. Rose pushing from the cemented cracks

Tulips surrounded by rusting metal

The smell of old urine and rotting shit

And I am no longer invisible because look at that smile

People can trip over that smile 

She must be HAPPY!
And there you exist. 

With me


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